Yahoo IM with the Cullens
by KelseyBell93
Summary: I know everyone makes these but I promise you won't be disappointed!it's OOC to the extreme! rated T for language & some sexual themes!
1. Screwed up user names

IM with the Cullens!!

Edwardbitemenowdamnit!-Bella

MarryMeBella- Edward

Shopoholic- Alice

Teh Mikster - Mike Newton

Edwardbitemenowdamnit- has logged on

Bellamarryme- has logged on

Edward: Wow.. Was these user names planned??

Bella: No.. Just bite me.

Edward: Just marry me..

Bella: I've all ready said yes!

Edward: Yeah well you'll get bit then┘ But I dunt like it.

Bella: 2 bad┘ But now our screen names don't make any freaking sense!

Edward: Yeah your right.

Shopoholic- has logged on

Alice: Hey Bella & Edward!! Your screen names don't make any freaking sense!!

Edward: Read B4 you came.

Alice: Ohhhh ok I all ready knew that, Bella do u wanna come over 2night!?

Bella: Alice, I'd rather...

Edward: ...

Alice: ...

Bella: Yeah I can't think of anything worse then being your Bella doll again.

Alice: Okay see u in a few!

shopohlic - has signed off

Bella: How long do I have to run?

Edward: About 5 min.

Bella: Oh noez!! Edwardbitemenowdamnit- has signed off

Edward: -sigh-

Teh Mikster -has logged in

Mike: Hi!!

Edward: HELL NAW!

BellaMarryMe- has signed off

Mike: Awww

R-Chan93: Like it? Hate it? Either way review it!! Also I own nothing, as usual!! Just twilight obsessed reviews would be loooooooved lots!!


	2. Edwards new name

R-Chan: I own nuthing!!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-Bella

shopohlic-Alice

TehSmex - Emmett

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-Has logged on

shopohlic- Has logged on

Alice: hehe I don't care if I knew that wuz going 2 be ur screen name it's freaking lolz.

Bella: I iz ignoring uz!

Alice: Awww why?

Bella: You made me look like a pretty princess!!

TehSmex - Has logged on

Emmett: LOLZ Bella I love ur screen name, it's like the time we made u play Bella Bella dancer-ella!!

108yearoldvirgin- has logged in

Edward: You did what to Bella!? And who did this to my name!?

Bella: MWAHAHAHAHA you'll never find me!!

Emmett: BURN!! -air fives Bella-

Bella: -Air fives back-

Alice: See I told you it'd be funneh as hell!!

Edward: No it's not!

Bella: Alice might I ask WTF!?

Alice: Hehe!

Edward: Wut?

Bella: She hacked on my myspace and added the pics we took last night.

Emmett: Ah I c, u look pretty pissed.

Bella: It's not freaking funny!!

Edward: Yeah well I G2G change my password... BELLA!!

Bella: LOLZ luv u 2!! 3

108yearoldvirgin- has logged off

Bella: Alice what's his new password!?

Alice: umm hold on!

Bella: KK!!

Emmett: What are you going to change it 2?

Bella: IDK but either way u can't no b/c it'll be rly rly bad and Edward will c it in your mind!

Emmett: Won't he no that I no that your changing his name?

Bella: Yeah so u freakin better think nothing.

Emmett: Yeah so I'll just think things of Rose.

Bella: Make them just rly bad hehe I'm having fun!

Alice: Ok it's 347104 he thought the random numbers would work!! Ok I'm coming over so he doesn't see my mind!

shopohlic- has signed off

Bella: KK I'm off to think of another provocative name 4 Eddie!!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has signed off

Emmett: Ok I'm off to think of Rose!!

TehSmex - has signed off


	3. Escape to Port Angeles

R-Chan93:Thx for the reviews guys I rly appreciate it buuuut I owneth nuthing still... This is a sad story indeed.

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-Bella

Shopohlic-Alice

TehSmex- Emmett

VeryEmotional-Jasper

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has signed in

Shopohlic- has signed in

TehSmex- has signed in

VeryEmotional- has signed in

Alice: OH ME GEE Edward's gonna freak when he sees his new name!

Bella: Mwahahaha I know!

Emmett: Wut iz it?

Jasper: Yeah 4 real!

Bella: U'll c..

Plays w/selfB/CI'- has signed in

Edward: Hey guys!!

(Edward then sees his new name)

Edward: DAMN IT BELLA & ALICE!!

Plays w/ self.. B/C I'ma 108 yr. old virgin- has signed off

Alice: -gulp- I c a very painful future for us Bella :0

Bella: -sends a audible- You want some cheese with that whine!

Bella: lolz get it? Oh shoot he all ready logged off.

Jasper: Uh Alice you might wanna go get Bella & run far, far away.

Bella: Oh noez!! 0-!! Alice hurry let's go to some where and change his user name again!!

Alice: hehe kk!!

Emmett: Are you running around w/ your laptop typing?

Alice: Yush! It's very hard!! So I'll ttgl hurry Bella call Charlie and get some crap together!!

Bella: Ok!! shopohlic - has signed off

Emmett: Uh Edward just left I guessed he read our minds┘

Bella: Oh noez!!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-has signed off

Bella's POV

Ok now to call Charlie...

-calls-

"Hey dad its Friday and me and Alice are gonna go stay in Port angles or something for a couple of days!!" I said in one breath. Is Edward-NO JUST US!! "Ok fine have fun.."I threw the rest of my stuff in a bag and heard a knock on the door. I looked out the window and to my dismay it was Edward. "Go away!!" I yelled, "No way!" Was his reply. My phone rang it was Alice, "The bad guys at my door!!" I screamed, "Ok I need you to jump out your window." "Will you just open the door!?" He yelled. "No way Jose!" I yelled running back up the stairs and without even thinking flung myself out the window like a ignoramus. But Alice caught me and ran super fast to the Porsche. (Which was a couple of blocks away.) And we flew in the other direction !!

Edwards POV.

I heard Bella scream "GAS THAT MOTHA!!" And they flew off..

R-Chan93: Like it? Hate it? Either way plz review it!!


	4. Burning Edward

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- Bella

Shopohlic- Alice

TehSmex-Emmett

VeryEmotional- Jasper

2Hawt4U- Rosalie

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged on

Shopohlic- has logged on

TehSmex-has logged on

Emmett: Hey you guy guys lived!

Bella: Damn straight! I don't know how but we did!!

Alice: I got skillz!! Now get Jasper and Rosalie on then find Eddie!!

2Hawt4u- has logged on

VeryEmotional-has logged on

Rosalie: Wut is it guys??

Bella: Hehe we did it again!

Rosalie: Did what?

Jasper: Bella & Alice have been hacking on Edwards yahoo account and changing his user name┘

Rosalie: LoLz!!

Emmett: Yeah I told him you 2 were on and thatz why he is getting on.

Alice: Oh dear-

Bella: Lord! Oh dear Lord!! Were screwed!!

Alice: Lolz I know!!

ManHoeSinse1901- has logged on

Edward: -sees name- OMG!

Bella: Yeah I know it's not that good..

Alice: Your right┘ It seemed pretty funny at the time.

-in not IM POV.-

"Well damn he's not really mad!!" Alice said irritated. "No watch this..."

-Back 2 IM POV-

Bella: Edward..

Edward: What?

Bella: I wasn't w/ Alice 2day I wuz at Jacobs...

Edward: Oh my God go home right now, I'll be there in a few minutes!

Bella: Hey Edward?

Edward: What!?

Bella: I lied!

Emmett: It's like a freaking drama!!

Rosalie: Oooook then I'm getting off.

2Hawt4U- has logged off

Edward: Alice, can you plz take Bella home now?

Bella: Awww u miss me!?

Alice: But I wanna go shopping!!

Bella: Oh noez!!

Jasper: Edward why are u so pissed??

Bella: B/c he misses me & iz jealous that I've been spending so much time with Alice-Chan!!

Edward: Where the hell are u two at!?

Bella: Japan!!

Edward: OMG!! Alice u took my danger magnet Bella 2 Japan!? For Christ sake it's one of the lowest in crime rates!! And damn it's about to go up 10 fold b/c of a 5" 5' 18 yr. old American girl!!

Alice: ...

Bella: Ya know I never knew how easy it was to trick you!

Edward:What??

Bella: BURN!!

Jasper: Wow... Ok I'm getting off.

VeryEmotional- has logged off

Edward: Please just tell me were your at?

Alice: Port Angelus! Scruffy the Paranoid Man Beast!!

Edward: -sigh- Bella I'm coming to get u.

Bella: I think I'll get high first, ya know Alice from what we bought last night?

Edward: Oh dear God no!

Bella: BURN!!

Edward: Be ready when I call┘

Bella: OK pimp daddy Edward!!

ManHoeSinse1901- has logged off

Bella: I2G Buzz Kill is ruining my fun.. Again┘

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged off

Shopohlic- has signed off

Emmett: I c, I have been abandoned┘

TehSmex- has logged off

R-Chan: Sorry I haven't updated in a while L about the little blocks guys I think I got it fixed at least I hope lol maybe its the format hmmm I'll have to see. LoL thx sooo much you guys for reviewing its much appreciated


	5. Sparky P

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-has logged on

shopohlic- has logged on

Alice: Please tell me you didn't'!!

Bella: Yup!!

Alice: Your insane... I didn't believe it when Edward first told me but now...

BuzzKill- has logged on

Alice: Edward, Bella's insane!!

Bella: Awww come on Alice he's soooo cute!!

Edward: WHAT DYOU DO!? Alice what she do!?

Bella: He was sad and needed a home!! It said so on the sign!

Alice: Thatz how they get you to get one!

TehSmex- has logged on

Bella: But-

Edward: Bella for the love of God do the math!!

Emmett: I'm lost...

VeryEmotional- has logged in

Alice: Ok Bella I'm a break it down: 7 vampires + 1 human + a puppy NOT GOOD!!

VeryEmotional- has logged off

Bella: Does that mean Sparky Pladastry is gonna die!?

Edward: Most likely- wait what's it's name??

Alice: No, no it gets worse

Bella: Sparky Pladastry!

Edward: Were in the name of Sam's hell did you come up with that!?

Alice: Hush and listen!

Bella: But around my dad we must call him...

Alice:...

Edward:...

Emmett: For the love of God quite doing that!!

Bella: Tidy Wells!

Alice: Your screwed now Bella...

Emmett: ROFL

Edward: Errrm, why??

Bella: B/C it would confuse Charlie, what's the big deal!?

Emmett: I think I'll just call you that for now on.

Bella: Why it's not like...

-30 min. later-

Bella: Shit...

-That next day in real POV not IM but I'ma still write it like this (Bella: Edward:... so on you get it!) b/c it's easier-

Edward: Come on Bella, it won't be bad!

Bella: Yeah it will!  
(Edward does his crooked smile)  
Fine!

Emmett: HEY TIDDY WELLS!!

Bella: -blushes- Dear God...

Edward: -trying not to laugh- It's ok!

Rosalie: TIDDY WELLS!!

Alice: Woooo Tidy!!

Bella:-hangs head down-

Jasper: Bella, I don't wanna kill your dog!!

Carlisle: TIDDY WELLS!!

Edward: -bursts out laughing- OK my it is that bad.

Bella: I need to go home a feed Sparky Pladastry... So take me home or something...

Ok guys this has a story behind it lolz XD

My friend got a dog and she wuz thinking of a name. And we were sitting on the swing outside my house and she started calling my Sparky Pladastry God no's how it actually came 2 her. So she names her dog that..

And then we were in car waiting 4 my mom 2 get the money out of the ATM and she tells me, "Hey call my dog Tidy well in front of my dad." and I gave her the most retarded lol and I'm like "eww that's gross" and she's like "What! I don't get it!!" it took her all day and even in stores when me, my mom, or my sister wanted her we'd yell "HEY TIDDY WELLS!!" and even my dad started calling her that. And she's even programmed into my phone as that XD

So yup I still own nothing and yet again I think I fixed the block issue I waz typing this junk on word so I can spell check it then copy it 2 a regular notepad so I could put it on also b/c it doesn't take .wps format but I think it will on here so I think that's wut went wrong I hope D:


	6. Ed, Ed'n, Eddy!

R-Chan: I owneth Nothing g dawgs!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged on

**Shop_ohlic** - has logged on

Teh_Smex- has logged on

Buzz_Kill - has logged on

VeryEmotional- has logged on

Alice: -whistles-

Bella: Ed Edd'n Eddy!

Edward: Yeah that show just sucks.

Bella: Your Double D!!!

Japer: WTF?

Alice: Your Eddy!

Emmett: You am I!?

Alice: Exactly!

Edward: your Ed which really would just make perfect sense.

Bella: Double D?

Edward: Yeah I▓m not answering.

Bella: But you just did Double D!

Alice: I'm Sarah!!!

Bella: Do I look like Jimmy to you!?

Alice:..

Edward:...

Jasper:...

Bella: Don't answer that! I've accepted that I'm a klutz! I want to be well IDK because there's like 2 girl and I can't play the other one b/c she's like the hot one of the culdasac or wutev they think she is.

Edward: I think you could play her =)

Bella: ... Shes also sporty.

Edward: Never mind then.

Alice: OMC Bella we must do something totally awesomefull!!!

Bella: I swear to God if it involves me and playing Barbie I will scream.

Alice: Noooo, were going to play Charlie Brown! I'm Woodstock!!

Bella: Oh I'm Snoopy!!!

Emmett: I'm Charlie!

Alice: Rose is Lucy, Edward you Linus, and Jasper is Pig Pen.

Jasper: Thanks honey -.-

Edward: Bella close your eyes and DO NOT read what Alice types.

Alice: Jasper but I know you play dirty and -BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP-

Jasper: Yay!

(Edward buzzes Bella)

Edward: You can look now love.

Bella Your far to over protective.

Edward: Yeah and I don't want you scared for eternity.

Bella: pht! It takes a lot more to scar this girl!

Alice: She's right ya know.

Bella: I just realized something.

Emmett: What's that?

Bella: I'm in a chat room full of vampires!

Alice: Why yes, yes you are.

Bella: Hmm that's kewl dawgs.

Edward: Are you scared now that realizations caught up with you?

Bella: Nope! Oh snap Double D!!!

Edward: What?

Bella: I'm gonna be a fang banger!

Alice: Yeah I'm one of those.

Bella: But you are a vampire all ready so that would make you my dear friend a hypocrite!

Jasper: DO YOU TWO EVEN KNOW WHAT A FANG BANGER IS?

Bella: No, but that doesn't change the face that I will be one.

Edward: I'm gonna sedate you.

Bella: You should seduce me!

Edward: Go to bed! It's 2:30 in the morning!

Bella: Fine Captain Buzz Kill!

Edward: I'm coming over k?

Bella: You just told me to go to bed : ( I'M SO CONFUNDED!!

Jasper: You mean your confused?

Bella: Yeah that one.

Edward: Just open your window k?

Bella: Kay!!!!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged off

Buzz_Kill- has logged off

Alice: OMC!! Jasper let's go shopping!

Jasper: It's 2:35 in the morning!

Alice: Yeah it'll be great let's go!!

**Shop_ohlic**- has logged off

Emmett: You so whipped you and Edward both!

Jasper: Shush your face!

VeryEmotional- has logged off

Emmett: I have been left alone again T-T

Teh_Smex- has logged off


	7. Death of

Ranma-Chan93: Yup still own nothing!

Ch.7; So uhh yeah…

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-has logged on

BuzzKill- has logged on

Bella: I just can't believe my dog Sparky P. is dead!

Edward: I swear I didn't kill him!

Bella: Ya I know, I did it.

Edward: How?

Bella: Well I decided I wanted to try shooting with a be-be gun.

Edward: Oh my God! Are you hurt!?

Bella: No, I only accidentally shot myself in the leg but that's no the issue here.

Edward: Then do tell what is.

Bella: I killed me dog!

Edward: I'm coming to get you!

Bella: Fine!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-has logged off

BuzzKill-has logged off


	8. Dead dog in a shoe box

Ranma-Chan93: And I STILL own nothing can you not believe it!?

Ch.8; Dead dog in a shoe box

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna-has logged on

BuzzKill-has logged on

Bella: Explain again why Carlisle won't let me move b/c I just c no actual point in this.

Edward: There is a frkn bullet logged up your leg!

Bella: Ya but Sparky P's soul hasn't departed yet!

Edward: What are you talking about?

Bella: You do know all dogs go to Heaven right?

Edward: Number 1 that was a movie, not to mention a cartoon, Number 2 that's not even what I meant.

Bella: Well fine but why would Disney make a movie about dead dogs any way?

Edward: Disney didn't make it.

Bella: Yeah b/c there to pansy!

Edward: Where's your dog Tiddy Wells?

Bella: Dead.

Edward: Where at dead?

Bella: In a shoe box.

Edward: And where is this show box located?

Bella: …Beside my bed…

Edward: That's just lovely.

Bella: Well you won't let me get off my retarded leg to burry him!

BuzzKill-has logged off

Bell: Yeah run away from the truth…

Ranma-Chan93: Authors note time yayz!! Ok so don't ask me why but Edward just has not been to Bella's house during that time. Let's just say he was out hunting. Yay so I hope you guys are enjoying these b/c I am oh and FYI (lolz it sounds like FBI) I'm switching off of IM to regular but it'll be in script form, hope you guys don't mind. But I'll let yall know b4 each chapter if it's IM or regular.

Anywho reviews are all ways loved and much much appreciated, so you guys know what to do know;

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVEW!!


	9. But what about da dog?

Ranma-Chan93: Goodness Golly Gee Whitakers, I STILL own nothing!

And this is regular POV not IM in case yall probably needed to know.

Ch.9; Sparky Pladastry's Funeral

-Several days after the shoe box incident Edward finally buried the, as what he called when not around Bella, 'The Damn Thing'-

Bella: Say something.

Edward: Uhhh….

Alice: Oh ye an God said to Abraham; check, check I'm still getting some hiss-

Bella: Say something about my dog!

Alice: Err… Sparky P. I didn't know you alive… Only dead in a shoe box for… Two weeks…

Bella: Just… No more… .

Edward: -who's just been in shock this whole time- Wow…

Bella: Ya I know this funeral blows more than my trucks funeral!

Edward: Bella we had it repressed.

Alice: Ya take me home Edward.

Edward: Fine, come on Bella.

Bella: -looks at Sparky P.'s crappy little grave- But what about da dog?


	10. HE'S GONNA EAT MY SOUL!

Ranma-Chan93: I own nothing and again this is not IM… I don't get how I actually wrote this on paper so if something screws up I'm terribly sorry, ok so enjoy

Ch.10; He's gonna eat my soul!

It's like 5:30 in the morning, Charlie has just left for work, and Bella wakes up screaming bloody morning.

Edward: Bella love what's wrong!?

Bella: SPARKY PLADASTRY'S GONNA EAT MY SOULD BECAUSE I KILLED HIM!!

Edward: Shhhh it's ok, it was just a dream.

Bella: Nu-uh I'm a murderer I'm going to hell!

Edward: Why don't you tell me what happened?

Bella: Ok so it all went down like this-

Enter Flashback

Bella: This is my rifle, this is my gun!… Oh crackers I don't remember the rest…

Sparky P.: Bark!

Bella was twirling the gun around trying to be the chick named Hillary Duff or Christy Carlson Ramona or from Cadet Kelly, when the gun goes off hitting her leg then she tumbled on top of Sparky P then somehow re-trips in midair kicking Sparky P. into a tree, then the gun magically goes off and the bullet flies into Sparky P's arse, ya….

End of Flashback

Edward: You do realize when they do those things the guns are not loaded right?

Bella: I'M LITTLE HENRY!

Edward: Who?

Bella: The boy from old yeller!

Edward: I don't think that was his name…

Bella: Ya I know but I just don't know his mother freaking name!

Edward: Ok you need more sleep, that much is clear. I'm going to go change, so I'll be right back. Until I come back, Stay Off Your Leg!

-He leaves-

Bella: But I have to pee….


	11. Bella's Ant farm

Ch.12: Bella's ant farm and how it died┘

Ranma-Chan93: I own nothing, and have no witty comment to insert here about not owning Twilight. Not IM!

~*~

Bella: Hey Esme want to hear a of obsession!?

Edward: -quietly from a corner- Oppression┘

Bella: Whatev! Wanna hear it!?

Esme: Sure!

Bella: So! Back in Phoenix I had a ant farm! And they weren't building great enough ant tunnels so I became a dictator! Commanding them sons of a b-

Edward: Don't say it...

Bella; Jeez Captain Buzz Kill, I wan gonna say biscuits! And so eventually they rebelled and joined the conspiracy! So I killed them all and lost the science fair!

Esme: Wow...

Bella: That's what I said!


	12. To Be a Man

Ch.13: To Be a man…

Ranma-Chan93: Still own nothing…. Are they going to honestly keep making me say this??

-looks outside and sees a million or so lawyers just waiting for me to screw it up-

I guess I do…

~*~

Emmet's POV

"Jasper I'm gonna play a prank on Eddie!" I exclaimed.

"I'll help!" He volunteered, but could he really be trusted?

"Ok, but you can't double Cross me!"

"Of course not…"

"THEN LET'S DO THE TRUST DANCE OF THE MANLY BROTHER HOOD OF MEN! TO BE A MAN YOU MUST HAVE HONOR, HONOR AND A PENIS! WOO-WOO!!" I sang while Jasper looked at me in… Well weirdness…

"Do I really have to?"

"Ya you do if you have any hope of teaming up with me!"

"Fine…"

"Better not half ass it old man!"

He gave me another odd look before we both broke out;

"TO BE A MAN YOU MUST HAVE HONOR, HONOR AND A PENIS WOO-WOO!!" Hehe now he couldn't betray me!

I'm so, so sry if the word penis offends you... XD But this chapter was calling to me in so many ways... Kudos to Shin Chan being one of the most disturbingly awesome shows in the universe! I am not putting a warning on it, it was 2 words I don't feel the need, just like I honestly don't feel the need to tell you that I don't own that song -see's lawyers again- hehe ok I don't own it!


	13. Humor Musicals

Ranma-Chan93: I am baaaaaaaack!! Aww and still own nothing L this is a sad, sad thing.

~*~

( Not IM again lolz)

Bella: Life is pandemonium!!

Alice: Broccoli-

Bella: I knew that word!!

Edward: Might I ask what you two are singing?

Alice: Eshush! I knew that wooooooooord!

Bella & Alice: Gosh Daren▓t!!!

Bella: It is such a calamity where should we begin-

Bella & Alice: The best spellleeeerrrrrr!!

Alice: DON'T NECESSARILY!

Bella & Alice: LIFE IS PANDONIUM!!

Bella: Life is random-

Edward: What the hell please!?

Bella: Again Eshush! Life is random and unfair!!!

Bella & Alice: Life is pandemonium!!!!!!

Alice: Yeah that song is kick ass!!

Edward: What is it!?

Bella: Duh blunder Life is Pandemonium from Spelling Bee. I though you being a fan of the musicals would know this.

Edward: Would the be a comedy musical?

Alice: Dur you dumb head!

Edward: And Bella have you actually seen this??

Bella: W-well shut up Edward, Alice is taking me! But I have seen AVENUE Q!!!

Edward: Oh dear God not this again!

Alice: hehe Heck Yes!

-enter flashback-

Edward: OH MY GOD how many more hours of this hell!?

Jasper: One┘

Bella: OMG THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN!!

Alice: THIS MUSICAL KICKS SO MUCH ARSE!!!

-End of flashback-

Bella: hehe

Edward: I still can't believe you and Alice suckered me and Jasper into taking you two to see that garbage!

Bella: N-uh!

Edward: Yeah you did!

Bella: No way the proper term is suckered Jasper and I into seeing that piece of awesomeness... Psha dumb ass.

Edward: E-excuse me..?

Alice: She's right you know!

Edward: You both suck.. -leaves-

Alice: It's ok he's a liar.

Bella: -nods- I know!

Bella & Alice: LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!!!


	14. Can we go?

Ranma-Chan93: Yeah guys you can guess that I still own nothing AND IT'S A SAD LOVE SONG!

~*~

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged on

BuzzKill- Has logged on

**Shop_Ohlic** - has logged on

Bella: To all the boys and girls in the club do something... I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Edward: There was a point you did?

Bella: There was one time, but then I woke up.

Alice: And how does that make you feel?

Bella: ....Sad and shit... OMG I said a dirty word roflmao!!!

Edward: God help me!

Bella: GOD CAN'T HELP YOU NOW!!!

Alice: hehe Egoraptor kicks so much arse!

Bella: Aww Alice youz didn't finish it L

Alice: Oh uhhh, I forgetted the rest.

Bella: Oh that's ok I did tos. Hey Eddie-Poo?

Alice: hehe awesome Bella!

Edward: Please no┘

Bella: !!!

Edward: FINE! You know what though I'm starting to feel grateful for NOT hearing your thoughts because your turning into Alice with the begging!

Bella: Am I supposed to feel offended?

Alice: I wasn't begging, ok I wuz but so freaking what Eddie it'll be funifull!

Bella: Yeahz and besides Carlisle won't let me and Alice go off by ourselves by ourselves any more.

Edward: What happened. You know what I honestly don't want to know..

Alice: Why'd you put by ourselves twice?

Bella: IDK but it means a hella lot to me that your doing this Edward! Alice: I know Edward you're the most awesomest brother eva!

Bella: So happy that we've even composed a little song for yous!! DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES!?

Alice: YEAH WE LIKE WAFFLES!!

Bella: DO YOU LIKE PANCAKES!?

Alice: YEAH WE LIKE PANCAKES!

Bella: DO YOU LIKE FRENCHTOAST!?

Alice: YEAH WE LIKE FRENCHTOAST!?

Bella: Doo, doo, doo doo, CANT WAIT TO GET A MOUTFULL-

Alice: WAFFLES, WAFFLES!!

Edward: For some reason I really don't feel like you two composed that

Alice: If only Thatz just the awesome

Bella: Yeah and we'd have a freaking lot of money to spend tonight.

Edward: Bella honey we all ready have money it's ok┘?

Bella: Yeah but I'd felt like I've contributed something┘ OH WELL GONNA GO GET READY!!

Alice: Oh I'll pick you we'll get ready together!

**Shop_Ohlic**- has signed off

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Edward: I don't know why there so excited were just going to ChuckE Cheeses

A/N: Shall we go to ChuckE Cheeses and let all hell break loose? Review and tell me your opinion oh and Pretty please if you have new ideas for this story or any story for that matter


	15. Saint Patricks Day & Dictators

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged in

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Bella: Why the hell have ppl been pinching me all fudging day!?

Edward: Saint Patrick's day maybe?

Bella: No that's tomorrow, wait never mind it was today hehe I suck. But whatever I still totally don't believe this holiday really exists!

Alice: Oh hush your just saying that b/c you don't like random ppl pinching you.

Bella: You hush would you like random ppl pinching your ass… That vile Mike Newton…

Alice: My arse is rock solid baby I would even feel it!!!

Edward: So that means I can kill… The "vile" Mike Newton right?

Bella: No I will make him my slave!

Emmett: I love Bell on IM she's feisty b/c dear Eddie doesn't know what she's gonna say, therefore making it impossible for her not to say the most epically funneh things in teh world!!!

Edward: …

Alice: …

Bella: … YOU THINK I'M FUNNY!? THANKS EMMETT!!!!!

Emmett: Your very welcome, now come my dear little sister and we shall go make that vile Mike Newton a slave!

Bella: Okayz!!

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Edward: What just happened.

Alice: I do believe Bella just brought slavery back… And I do see it happening in this small town…

Edward: You little liar…

Alice: Yeah but wouldn't be fun to see Bella be a dictator?

Edward: They'd kill her, well more like she'd kill herself by falling off something while giving this long speech how she plans on conquering Port Angeles.

Alice: Yeah I can see (no pun intended) it… We should probably stop them, Emmett would help her in a second…

Edward: Oh shit….

BuzzKill-has logged off

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Ranma-Chan93: Sry for this belated chapter and sry it suxs, but think about it Bella a dictator lolz.

If I said I own everything, I would be a liar!!


	16. Chuck E Cheeses!

Ranma-Chan93: I forgot to take the gang to Chuck E. Cheeses :0 ok so again I know nothing and here we go.

(obviously not IM btw)

Bella: Oh my Gosheroos I'm so excited!!!!

Alice: I know!!!!

Edward: Will you two please quit jumping up and down in my car!!

Bella: -still jumping- Corrections are required Eddie-dear it's a Volvo!!

Edward: -gives Bella a rare 'shut-up' look-

Bella: Eek! -jumps in the back with Alice-

Edward: Do you want me to turn around, because I will! And why the hell weren't you buckled up!?

Bella: -whispers to Alice- See major buzz kill!

Alice: -whispering- I know!

Edward: I can still hear you!!!

-So they arrive after many smart-ass comments from Bella & Alice and threats from Edward, but dog-on-it he'd never wanna disappoint Bella so they got there.. Oh they got there..-

Alice: -runs straight through the door- SPLEE!!!!

Edward: -really desperate not to go in there- Bella honey wouldn't it be more fun to just you know stay out here and you and me can play games of our own.

Bella: -more serious than she's ever been in her life- Edward I really wanna have fun with a rat today..

Edward: -trying not to laugh but be serious- Ok Bell whatever you want I'll just stay out here, thinking about the games we could play together and how I'll miss you when- -she's all ready long gone- Damn it!

Bella: Yayz Alice I can't believe we made it!!

Alice: I know this is fantastical!!!

Bella: Like testicles!

Edward: -overhears and bangs head on the table- What have these poor children done to deserve these two insane people come here and make there life living hell..?

Woman: -overhears- Young man this is NOT a place for language like that, this is a place for fun like those two young woman over there. -points to Alice and Bella-

Edward: What are you talking about there insane!?

Woman: And just how might you know!?

Edward: -sees them contemplating how they could possibly when the penguins on the shelf- Never mind no relation. However ask me in a month when that one -points to Bella- is on her period and the calmest she's been in God knows how long, then when that ones -points to Alice- husband calms her down then I would say that that one -again points at Bella- is my girlfriend and then the other is my sister. But right now I take no claim, but WILL have to take the blame if they get charged with something-

Bella: SCANDALOUS THE WORD YOUR LOOKING FOR IS SCANDALOUS!!

Edward: No it's not… If they get charged with something as smart as trying to steal Chuck E. Cheeses costume straight off his body. And that is why I feel bad for the children and ME for that matter.

Woman: Bless your heart..

Edward: Thank you.

But Bella and Edward didn't try to steal Chuck E. Cheeses outfit at all in fact they did something less crimable (yes I just made that word up) but made Edward even more ready to just end his life.

They jumped on stage with him and started singing with him. And they were good they knew ever line and every dance step the chuckster was so impressed that he gave both of them signed t-shirts.

-in the car-

Edward: I'm so ready for you to have your period!

Bella: Or high!

Edward: The one that doesn't damage yourself suits me more. -sigh- I love you no matter what 'scandalous' thing, as you put it, want to do.

Bella: Awww I loves you to! -kisses him on the cheek-

Alice: And I love my stuffed penguin her name is mystery!

Edward: You're a mystery Alice..

Bella: HEY lets not go quoting Spongebob Squarepants here, were not that funny yet. -smiles at Edward- And how did you know that you haven't been watching my DVR's of Spongebob while I was in the shower have you!?

Edward: -rolls eyes and taps his forehead-

Bella: Oh yeah you can do that can't you… OMG were here Alice quick IM to tell everyone now!!

Alice: High Ho Silver Away!!

*-End-*


	17. What where you alive for?

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged on

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Bella: Looks like it's just you and me Eddie-poo.

Edward: Finally!

Bella: LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!!

Edward: love that is before your time.

Bella: -shocked-

Edward: What?

Bella: You know?

Edward: Know what??

Bella : The Rocky Horror Picture Show!?

Edward: Yeah why?

Bella: Oh My Lardy I wonder what else you know!!!

Edward: …What have I done…

Bella: Ok, ok what about hrrm fanny packs!?

Edward: Yes…

Bella: MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Edward: Bella if I lived in the earliest 1900s did I live through the 90's?

Bella: I though you were into the emo thing during that time.

Edward: Who told you that?

Bella: I'm not allowed to share that knowledge with you.

Edward: You will.

Bella: Ho you don't own me!

Edward: I think I could find out what I want to know.

Bella: With ease?

Edward: Yes.

Bella: And I believe you.

Edward: Really?

Bella: No now what about almonds?

Edward: -sigh-…


	18. A flamingo rly?

Ranma-Chan93: I just wanna take a quick moment to thank you all for your favs and reviews they've all been great and supportive!!!!! ^_^ Anywho spring breaks coming up so expect lots of updates everyone!!

Oh and I own nothing :0 horrible neh?

Bella: Edward dearest?

Edward: Yes… Honey..?

Bella: -big eyes- I was just wandering if you could-

-Edward eyes widen at the idea of finally being able to get Bella SOMETHING without complaint.-

Bella: Get me a new puppy!?

Edward: -disappointed- No…

Bella: A gopher?

Edward: What about a fish!?

Bella: Those are so, so boring Oh my God a parrot!!

Edward: HELL NO!!

Bella: Fine!!! -leaves-

Edward: Find love they said, find love!! Oh I found love! In SATAN!!!

Bella: -yells back- Don't get into things to fast, they said, don't get into to fast!! Oh I did, with a vampire parrot hater!!

Edward: -rolls eyes- Dear God please deliver what evil has possessed my sweet Bella!

Bella: Dear God please take the hater out of my vampire fiancé! -sticks head back in the door- Oh and by the way parrot hater, yes that is your new name, it's a 'period' that has possessed me this months 'period'.

Edward: Oh..

Bella: I'm just going to talk to Alice.

Alice: -yells- No I hate birds!!!

Bella: Ugh these people are hating me and my love for… I don't want a parrot any more.

Edward: -raises eyebrows- Why?

Bella: I want a FLAMINGO!!! ALLLICCCEEEE!!!!!!! -runs to Alice's room-

Alice: I just told you I hate birds!!

Bella: Oh hush I have a perfect argument!

-Edward joins them-

Edward: Whatever she says we must NOT break.

Alice: Right!

Bella: OK number uno they're pink birds! Number dos they only have one leg! Num-

Edward: They two legs..

Bella: LIES!! Number tress they're tall. Number quatro I could ride it like a horse. Number five when I just get tired of it you guys can eat it!

Edward & Alice: -eyes twitching-

Bella: What I can only count to four in Spanish!

Edward & Alice: -eyes still twitching-

Bella: Ok guys you caught me I didn't even pay attention in Spanish, sorry guys.

Emmett: -comes running up- Oh my goodness Bella I will Soooo get you a flamingo!

Bella: Yay Emmett!! -jumps on his back- Let's roll!

Edward: Ah hell na! Emmett get back here! Bella damn it!

Alice: -puts hand on Edward shoulder- It's gonna happen I saw it.

-Several hours later Emmett and Bella return back with a flamingo, that God knows where they actually got it.-

Bella: Hello everyone meet a flamingo! -yeah she's riding it-

Edward: What did you name it love. -decided to just let it go-

Bella: A flamingo. I just told you remember, do vampires get amnesia Alice?

Alice: No..

Bella: Ah then you forgot. Any who thank you Emmett!!

Emmett: A flamingo will be fun!!

Bella: To the extreme!

Edward and Alice exchange a look that can only me exchanged in the following words:

"Oh my God something horrible can only come out of this".

*~End~*

Ranma-Chan93: We now have a new member to our little party thing to take the place of our dear Sparky Pladastry, a flamingo!! Yay!! Any who yeah he will be in future chapters XD


	19. Edward vs A Flamingo

Edward: I'm ready to kill that damn flamingo!

Alice: -literally rolling on the floor laughing- Oh my God I can't believe she did that!!!

Edward: How did Charlie not- EMMETT!!!!

Emmett: Sweet Jesus! -runs-

Edward: -tackles him- WHY IN GODS GREEN EARTH WOULD YOU BUT THAT DAMN THING IN BELLAS ROOM WHERE SHE SLEEPS!?

Emmett: She asked me to..?

Edward: Ok we obviously need to learn not to give into Bella's most insane desires.

Alice: Ok then get out.

Edward: The hell?

Alice: Second to the flamingo you are the most inane desire.

Edward: -growls-

Alice: Psh shut up you know I'm right.

Edward: Whatever..

Alice: Ha yeah you suck at come backs. Any who just back off she'll get tired of it eventually.

Edward: You DID see what I saw right?

Alice: -giggles- Yes.

Edward: Then you get that it's not safe.

Alice: Your not safe for her.

Edward: Will you shut up!?

Emmett: I just don't get what the big deal is.

Alice: You wouldn't.

Edward: The damn flamingo was sleeping in Bella's bed with her!

Emmett: Aw your jealous!

Edward: It could've pecked her eyes out!

Alice: You can peck her eyes out.

Bella: -rides up on the flamingo- Hey guys!

Edward: Did you ride that the whole way here!?

Bella: Psh do you think me a fool!? I put it in the Volvo!

Edward: My Volvo that I left at your house this morning…?

Bella: What other Volvo is there?

Alice: -rolling on the floor laughing again- I saw that one to!!!!!

Bella: It was a little hard, umm your windows kinda broke to.

Edward: -chanting to himself- You love her more than anything, don't do anything that'll get her mad, you love her more than anything-

Bella: Sorry Eddie.

Edward: -through clenched teeth- It's Okay! Now can you leave the flamingo with me for just a few minutes while Alice takes you to look at clothes.

Bella: :0 My flamingo, don't kill it!!!

Alice: Don't worry he's no going to kill it.

Bella: I love a flamingo, Edward, I love him!

Edward: Ugh fine!

Bella: Yay -hugs him- I love you!!

Edward: I love you to.

Emmett: If you love her so much why don't you marry her!?

Bella & Edward: -raises eyebrows- We are…

Emmett: Oh yeah hehe.

Bella: Whelp I'm off to let Jasper meet a flamingo!

Alice: Ugh Bella I don't thing-

Edward: -clamps hand over Alice's mouth- I think that's a great idea!!

Bella: Ok!!

Ranma-Chan93: To Be continued Mwahahaha I own nothing L but you guys know what to do R&R!!


	20. Penetration?

R-Chan93: My mother freaking story has been reported by some jackass who says 'Reported something something something script writing isn't allowed here' but it's still here Mwahahaha so yeah IDK what that means but I mean lots of people do script writing so who really is caring other than this erm lovely person…. I'm not saying any names. But I will continue this, and I do not own nothing. Damn….

-Not IM b/c I don't even care =P-

Bella: Gah stupid Jasper I'm so sad now!!!

Jasper: I'm so sorry Bella! -whispers to Alice and Edward- Your welcome…

Bella: Poor A Flamingo!

Edward: Awww it's ok Honey.

Bella: It's not even ok at all, a Flamingo is dead as Sparky Pladastry. And that's pretty dang dead yall. But I do forgive you Jasper, you can't help your sexual needs.

Jasper: …Bella I didn't rape your flamingo….

Alice: -giggles- Penetration…

Bella: -burst out laughing- Oh My God I know!!!

Edward: Bella be quiet you don't even know what penetration means.

Bella: Um Edward I'm not a idiot.

Edward: Then Bella please enlighten me what it means, my oh so dirty little love.

Bella: -face turns red- I'll whisper it.

Jasper: Bella it won't- ah screw it do whatever.

Bella: -whispers it to Edward-

Edward and Jasper stare at Bella in shock.

Bella: See I'm not as sweet as you ones thought.

Alice: Hahahaha Edward wants you to do it to him twice!

Bella: Hmmm… Double Penetration… Are you even up to it Edward?

Edward: Umm Yeah were not doing that yet. Come on let's get you home.

Bella: Drats you buzz kill.

Alice: I'm sorry I tried.

Bella: It's all good. Thanks Alice -hugs- It's made me forget…

Alice:…

Edward:…

Jasper:…

Emmett: -comes in- Damn it Bella stop breaking the fourth wall!

Bella: It made me forget my last animal that died. Whatever it was. Buy guys!

Edward: -smacks himself in the head- Sweet Jesus.. Well thank you Jasper and Alice I'll find a way to get you for teaching Bella what penetration means.

Alice: I'll be watching and you won't even know it. Because I'm awesome like that and you won't-

Jasper: Come on Alice let's go shopping!

-On the way to Bella's house-

Bella: Is Jasper gay?

Edward: -burst out laughing- Whatever you want to think.

Bella: I'll have to decide which one will amuse me more.

Edward: -raises eyebrows- He's straight Bella.

Bella: But he- I mean- I'M, SO, SO CONFOUNDED!

Edward: Confused love, your confused.

Bella: Confounded…

Edward: Whatever you want to think.

Bella: Is that a trick statement?

Edward: Whatever you want to think.

Bella: Edward if you don't stop breaking the fourth wall I swear to God-

Edward: You home, I'll be back later.

Bella: Fine then but stop breaking the fourth wall.

Edward: I'll try my hardest.

Bella: You better…

A/N: What is the fourth wall IDK but it exists I know it does XD


	21. Bob the Condom!

R-Chan93: I just keep telling you people I don't own anything!! And again not IM, I think I'm the one breaking the fourth wall.

Bella and Edward are sitting on Bella's bed and Bella is digging through her purse.

Bella: It's like Narnia in here!!! -looks inside- Mr. Tumnus!?

Edward: Have you actually read that book??

Bella: Damn I can't find it… And of course I've read the book who hasn't!?

Edward: Really?

Bella: Yup! -looks away-

Edward: You're a horrible liar.

Bella: I'm aware, but I've seen the movies.

Edward: The real ones ol-

Bella: I knew Narnia was real!!!

Edward: I meant the real old movies.

Bella: Why would I watch them pieces of shi-

Edward: Don't say it.

Bella: Dang buzz kill I was gonna say Shikamaru, like the ninja! But why would I watch those piece of Shikamaru when Disney totally made a epic version!

Edward: Disney is so ov-

Bella: Edward don't say it!!!

Edward: overrated.

Bella: -gasp- I can't even believe you.

Edward: Why?

Bella: Can't remember -continues to dig through her purse until her face turns red-

Edward: What is it?

Bella: Um nothing.

Edward: Haven't we been over this, You Can't Lie!

Bella: Well it's non of your business why me and Alice bought condoms anyway.

Edward: What!?

Bella: Damn I can't freaking lie!

Edward: Why did yall go buy condoms???

Bella: Because we were bored -pulls out a little red condom-. And then we were gonna play a dastardly prank on you but we forgot after we got into a heated DDR battle, she kicked my ass. But we did name the condom Bob.

-5 min. of silence-

Bella: Oh My God I must see Alice!!!! Come dear Eddie!

Edward: It's like 1 in the morning though and you need to go to sleep, were only lucky because Charlie is gone for the next few day.

Bella: No I NEED to see Alice.

Edward: No just wait till tomorrow.

Bella: Fine then I will have to conduct to PLEASEEDWARDPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-1 hr. of this later-

Edward: Fine damn!

Bella: Yay!! -hops on his back-

When they arrive she hops off his back and burst through the door, only tripping 5 times, and runs to find Alice or something like that.

Bella: -in the middle of the Cullen's living room where everyone except Jasper and Alice were- ALICE!!!

Edward: -rubs his temples- Good God.

Carlisle: I'm sorry son…

Alice: I foresaw it Bella I love it so much!!

Edward: What?

Emmett: You don't know?

Edward: Do you?

Emmett: No…

Alice: Ok ready Bella?

Bella: Hell yeah!

Alice and Bella: Bob the condom, can we prevent it!? Bob the condom yes we can!!!

Edward: This, this is what you had to leave your house for!?

Bella: Absolutely, ok we can leave now.

Edward: …. -picks Bella up and leaves without saying a word-

Alice then skips out merrily, dragging Jasper out behind.

And everyone is silent even Emmett.

~*End~*

A/N This is totally based on a foreazel story that I'm totally willing to share with yall! So me, my friends; David, Danielle, and Tamara were in gym. Any way so were all just hanging out and my friend Danielle was going through her wallet and she pulled out a condom and was like "It's name is Bob" and I'm like "Bob the condom, can we prevent it!? Bob the condom, yes we can!!" and we all started laughing and all started singing it :D it' was hilarious XD


	22. RIP Bob the Condom

R-Chan93: Ok just had to update just b/c of this review that I just adore!!

"Hahaha I LOVE the Bob the condom song it's hilarious. She spent an hoursaying please? LOL nice!Oh yeah I forgot about the last chapter about whoever reported this, to themI say: you're a jerkwad loserface!!Haha I'm so mature lolFunny chapter though!" This is from the lovely fanpiremari, your are completely awesome!!!! And the term jerkwad loserface is fabulous and I must add it the words that have been made up for this story, I love it XD!

Haha yeah I still own nothing, even Bob the condom : ( and this is not IM Mwahahaha these are becoming dastardly, to the EXTREME Whoop!

Bella: -burst into Alice room with Edward-: Alice how dareth you!

Alice: I- I'm sorry? What did I do!?

Bella: Like you didn't know, you all ways know!

Edward: Bella, love she really doesn't k now this time.

Bella: Don't be a jerkwad loserface, you raped Bob!!!

Edward: The condom??

Bella: Of course!

Alice: I didn't, he asked for it!!!

Edward: Why? You and Jasper don't even need a condom?

Bella: Damn straight but I might need it!

Jasper: For what? Edward's a- you know what you might.

Edward: That's never been tested has it?

Jasper: Not to my knowledge. Half-vampire babies hmmm. -beep- her hard Edward, -beep- her hard.

-Everyone stares at Jasper in shock.-

Bella: -realization- Bob the condom has still been raped!

Alice: I'm sorry…

Bella: No your not! -pouts- He's unusable now! -leaves-

Alice: I'll bye you another one Bella! -follows her-

Bella: I said unusable!

Edward: So how did it feel?

Jasper: -still thinking about the half vampire babies- Don't use one!

Edward: I don't think Bella can be, ah screw it I wouldn't anyway…

~*End*~

A/N: Oh how wrong you are Eddie-poo, Stephanie Myer has Toooooootally proved you wrong. Bitchen!! XD Anywho I'm running out of ideas, so if yall have any please be free to submit them ^_^ I'm thinking about taking these notes to the school like random notes in school IDK, what do yall think?? As all ways reviews and favs are loved and very much welcomed!


	23. Bella and the play tryouts

Bellabelladancerfalldowna-is now online

**Shop_a-Holic**-Is now online

Buzzkill-is now online

Bella: OMG Alice I is beyond the normal mad.

Edward: What the HELL are you talking about?

Alice: Oh she's still upset about what I did… And Bella it was for your own damn good, you'll thank me someday maybe not soon…. But in somewhere in the next hundred year or so.

Bella: Neva!!!

Edward: What happened?

Alice: Oh I made her try out for the school play.

Edward: Why?

Alice: Cause you don't tell her she's beautiful enough!

Edward: Do to!!!!

Alice: Lies! If you did these things she would be a gazillion times less self conscious! For God's sake she walked up on stage and tripped.

Edward: Awww baby are you all right?

Alice: No! She totally embarrassed me and such by flipping out about the whole thing!

Edward:…. I was talking to Bella….

Bella: No! It got millions time worse.

Edward: Wanna talk about it?

Bella: Why the freak not! Ok so I'm super nervous and a klutz! So I get up there and stutter through my monologues and barely was able to look up at the judges! And then when I got to biology for home room today the teacher lady, whom by the way was one of the judges, was all like "You did so good" and "My little shy girl!" and that kinda junk…

Alice: Well your song kicked ass….

Edward: That's good love! What did you sing?

Bella: I'm not that Girl from Wicked.

Edward: Well with all the Broadway you watch it's no wonder you didn't do great.

Bella: Yeah…

And a lovely authors note time!!!

Kay so I tried out for the play 34th on Miracle Street the other day and I was soooo hella nervous! And did awful! And when I got to biology for homeroom the next day the teacher, whom I had last year when I took biology was all like; "You did soooo good" and I'm like "No way I think I did bad" and she's like "You did fine, my little shy girl!" and that is where I got these idears from. Ohhhh and here we go about my year I is a junior this year. Yip-yip-hurray! And such.. Blah classes some are easy some are hard for example I'm about to DIE in AP history…. I got so much to work on tomorrow errr later today, on this lovely labor day =). But yeah I'm gonna try to put up at least one more chapter before you don't hear anything from me in months mahaha. Anywho peace out!


	24. AP History?

A/N: Oh geezers I forgot to put a disclaimer last chapters. I OWN NOTHING PPL NOTHING!

And today ladies and gentle germs hehehe today we will be writing notes.

Bella_ Edward _

Bella: Why the hell would anyone actually put ME in this class?

_Edward: Awww your smart. _

Bella: It's AP freaking history Edward!

_Edward: I'll help you… _

Bella: But honestly when I wrote it down on my schedule I didn't think they'd ACTUALLY put me in this class…

_Edward: Then why did you put it down? _

Bella: Cause, you wanted me to..

_Edward: It was just a suggestion love… _

Bella: Well don't make these kind of suggestions again, my fingers are starting to cramp from taking notes!

_Edward: Oh the joys we'll have in college.. _

Bella: Your telling me!

A/N: Yeah same situation again lol, who in the hell would put me in AP history!? Even if I did sign up for it… Ok soooo enter flash back!!

_It's like a week before my sophomore year ends and all of us students are signing up for next years classes.. _

_**Aroosa (My best friend): Let's take AP American History together it'll be fun! **_

_**Kelsey (Me): No…**_

_**Aroosa: Come on I'll help you, we can do it! **_

_**Kelsey: (thinking: They'll never actually put me in there with my World History grades) Fine sure. **_

Ok So back to the present it's hell… I gotta test next week on the first 4 chapters and I need to get my lazy ass up and do some homework hehe. Well that's what tomorrow is for cause were off and such.. But on a happier note! I am thinking about making chapters through notes, but I think I should put them in a separate story. What do you think??? So yeah R&R and tell me whatcha think! Peace, Ranma-Chan93 =)


	25. Childrens Songs part 1?

A/N: Mwahhahaha and such moooore cause I'ma procrastinating cleaning da kitchen lol. And nope I do not own Twilight : ( this is a sad day for all…

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Bella: Broccoli, celery, GOT TO BEEEEEE VEGGIE TALES!!!

Emmett: The force is strong with this one…

Alice: Nah dip, dip shit! Who isn't a strong force when singing Veggie Tales!

Emmett: True is true.

Edward: Ummm may I ask… What the hell?

Bella: Yes you may.. See I have now successfully downloaded the theme to Veggie tales which is only the first on my list for veggie tales and many other awesome songs!

Edward: Dear God…

Bella: Why?

Edward: Cause…

Bella: Are you writing him a letter?

Edward: Errrm no.

Alice: I would like to recommend a song dear Bella!

Bella: Yes dear Alice!

Alice: The Barbara Manatee song!!

Bella: OMG Hells yeah!

Emmett: DOWN AT FRAGGLE ROCK!!

Edward: For the love of God no…

Bella: THAT IS THE MOST FREAKING AWESOME SHOW EVA!!!

Emmett: I know!!! Come Bella, you, me and dear Alice shall watch the entire series!

Alice: Yeah!

Bella: YAY!

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Bella: Come dear Edward, pick me up!

Edward: of course…

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	26. Captain Planet, Heartless, & Avenue Q

R-Chan93: I so own all of this shiz XD…NOT -laughs at stupid 'joke'-

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Bella: OMG that was flippen sweet!!

Alice: Ya, Ya it was supa kewl!

Edward: Aye…

Emmett: Like when the guy's all like "Scruffy old boy what's the matter?" and then they went to the fraggles!

Bella: Cause there keeeeewl!!!!!!!!

Edward: Bella would you like to go do something besides talk about silly songs.

Bella: Like silly songs with Larry!?

Edward: Erm… No…

Bella: Awww…

Alice: EARTH!

Emmett: FIRE!

Edward: For the love of God no!

Bella: HEART!

Emmett: With your powers combined I am… CAPTAIN PLANET!

Alice: CAPTAIN PLANET HE'S HERO GONNA TAKE POLLUTION DOWN TO ZERO!

Bella: HE'S OUR POWERS MAGNIFIED AND HE'S FIGHTING ON THE PLANET'S SIDE!

Emmett: We're the planet-tiers you can be one to!

Alice: Cause looting and polluting is NOT the way!

Bella: Hear what Captain Planet has to say!

Edward: -sigh- The power is yours.

Bella: YAY! See that wasn't so bad was it Eddie?

Edward: Yes, heart trenching.

Bella: But you don't have a heart!

Emmett: OHHH BURN!

Alice: -literally- ROFL!!!

Edward: Sweetie what have I done to disserve your… Erm.. Madness?

Bella: Wha-? I'm not mad! You know your heartless like off that game! What was it called again Emmett!

Emmett: Kingdom Hearts?

Bella: Ya that one! Emmett told me you were like the guys off that game and I believed him! ^_^ I think they're good guys those organization guys I truly do!

Edward: …You're not aloud to play video games with Emmett anymore…

Bella: Awww but it's for a good cause!

Edward: What the hell?

Alice: Yeah were trying to raise enough money for Kate's school for monster school!

Edward: Please no more musicals…

Alice: CAUSE THE INTERNET IS FOR-

Bella: PORN!

Alice: COME EDDIE LET'S PICK UP BELLA SO WE CAN FIND MORE MUSICAL SHOWS!

Edward: How about I go over there and by myself you stay there.

Bella: Edward… Anything we do, we can do in front of Alice.

Alice: Ya!

Edward: -knocks fist on head repeatedly- No love, we can't. It's wrong. Even though Alice probably see's it anyway.

Emmett: OMG I'm soooo saving this conversation!

Edward: Like hell you are-

Emmett: To late and there's nothing you can do about it :P

Edward: Well hell… Fine were on our way Bella, come on Alice. And no were not going to make-out or whatever in front of Alice

Bella: Wait what's the whatever!?

BuzzKill-has logged off

Alice: Awww he's a stupid butt face anyway!

**Shopa_A_holic** - has logged off


	27. Black Friday part 1

**R-Chan93: Well Happy day after turkey day aka Black of the Fridays mahaha, I had a real hard time thinking of a Thanksgiving themed chapter so I just decided well a chapter is better than no chapter, no? **

**Ok so I own nothing and this is chapter something or another, Bella and Alice's dastardly black Friday. **

**Alice: WAKE UP BELLA!!!! **

**Edward: Shhhhhh!!!! IT'S 3A.M. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU SHE'S ASLEEP!**

**Bella: WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!? I AM NOT A MOTHER -beeping- VAMPIRE!!! **

**Edward: Bella!**

**Bella: Well damn Edward! What do you expect!? It is NOT good morning time yet! Now Alice I'm going to ask you as kindly as possible….**

**Alice: -bouncing up and down- Kay!! **

**Bella: What the hell…? Do you want? **

**Alice: Awww Bella -pouts- it's suppose to be a merry black Friday! **

**Bella: Excuse me? **

**Edward: Black Friday is a day when everything virtually possible goes on sale my love. **

**Bella: I know what is, but that's what you woke me up for? **

**Alice: Of course, come on were going to Macys! Aren't you excited!?**

**Bella: This is why we watched Miracle on 34th**** Street, watched the Macys day parade, and even preformed Miracle on 34****th street..? **

**Alice: Of course! You made one great Ms. Walker if I do say so myself! Eddie-boy good job as Fred, and I should give myself a pat on the back for portraying Susan so well! **

**Bella: Yes I mean don't get my wrong I do love that play and you did have some great choices with Jasper as Sawyer, Emmett as Kris Kringle- though, he did need padding ha-ha, Jake as the drunken Santa and Mr. Gimble, Rosalie as Mrs. Adams, Esme as Cleo, and Carlisle as Mr. Macy and Dr. Pierce. sighs- this was pure genius Alice, pure genius. Just wait till Youtube get's a hold of this one. **

**Alice: Yes I know! But we really have to go. Here put this on we'll look kick ass and such! **

**Bella: -see's super spy jumpsuits- OhEmGee!! Ok I'm awake this will surely be adventure of epic proportions!! -runs to the bathroom to try it on - **

**Alice: I know!!! **

**Edward: …This does not look good… **

**Bella: -pops her head back in- HEY STUPID I BOUGHT YOU THIS STUFF! **

**Alice: That is a one ugely bird! **

**Edward: You know what you guys go get ready I'll go get the Volvo. **

**Bella: You going with us!?**

**Edward: I have no choice, I'd rather you come back safe and sound. **

**Bella: Aw you do care!**

**Edward:…Go get ready.. **

**Bella: Aye, Aye Captain! **

**-1hour and a pissed off Edward later-**

**Alice: Were here!! Quick it's about to open! Eddie grab Bella and head to front pronto! Wait… PAUSE! We need nicknames!!! Edward you BuzzKill still. **

**Edward: Oh darn… **

**Bella: Aw don't be sad! **

**Edward: -sigh- Dear God… **

**Bella: BuzzKill God shouldn't have to handle everything start writing to Santa some, or Emmett whichever one you prefer… **

**Alice: Bella your, your Trippy! And- and I'll be pixie! **

**Edward: -snorts-**

**Bella: What gotta problem, need a Twix!?**

**Edward: Well number one that's gotta moment, need a Twix. And number two isn't 'pixie' a bit corny. **

**Alice: Well BuzzKill I just don't have time to come up with elaborate nick names write now so just suck it up! Now here you all go.**

**Bella: -starts hyperventilating- **

**Edward: Breath love. **

**Bella: WALKIE-TALKIES!!!!! **

**Alice: Shush don't shout there very cool, and I got them all here at Macys last week. **

**Edward: What? **

**Alice: Just kidding I got them at Wal*Mart, for the great price of 20.99!**

**Bella: Are you sure it wasn't 19.99? **

**Alice: I know I question this method as well.. Whelp we better hurry up! Come on Bella, it's already so freaking packed! **

**Edward: …This does not look good… **

**Bella: Hey stupid I-**

**Edward: You just go on a head with Alice! **

**Bella: Kay! **

**Edward: And please be careful! **

**Bella:-walking backwards- Pish-posh, you act like I'm just gonna up and -trips-. Never mind… **

**Edward: -picks her up- Your not going to leave my sight today… **


	28. In which the hyperness starts again

Ranma-Chan93: So sorry for my lack of updates, and not being able to complete the "Black Friday" chapter =(! But anyway I'm still in total 'Miracle on 34th street' mode lol, even though it's over, and it's sad but this chapter is pretty much taken from a scene from it. Kris Kringle is teaching a, very serious, 8 year old Susan Walker the wonders of imagination…. Not IM btw :), I own nothing, and enjoy ^_^

-Edward, Alice and the rest of the Cullen family besides Emmett are going hunting for the day-

Edward: Ok Bella, Emmett, were leaving now. –Takes Bella's face in his hands- Please be safe my love.

Bella: -nods- Aye, Aye Captain!

Edward just chuckles and they leave.

Emmett: So what are we going to do today?

Bella: Broa-

Emmett: NO BROADWAY!!!

Bella: Awww…

Emmett: Let's watch, umm, Rudolph!!

Bella: Hellz yeah!!

Emmett: And you can eat Coco Puffs!!

Bella: -sitting on a couch kicking her legs- But I can't!

Emmett: Well why not?

Bella: Cause BuzzKill thinks I'll get all hyper again: (!!

Emmett: Well he won't be home for a while…

-35 minutes, 3 bowls of cereal, and red nose reindeer later-

Bella: -jumping on the couch- TELLL THEM HOW I'M DEFYING GRAVITY!!!!!!

Emmett: Aw more Broadway, but FREAKING HALERIOUS!!

Bell then proceeds in falling off…

Edward: -coming back in- Hey guys we decided to come home early… What the fu-

Alice: -claps hands together- Yay!!

Bella: -jumps on Emmett's back, not even noticing Alice and Edward- NEAL SIR EMMETTALOT AND I SHALL KNIGHT YOU WITH MY MAGIC SCEPTOR!!!!!

Emmett –with Bella still on his back- and Alice fall over from laughing so hard.

Edward: ck…. Aw hell no not this again!!!

Bella: BuzzKill Alice I missed you guys!!!! –Sees Edward's face- I mean… Oh crap it's Edward! IT'S ALL EMMETT'S FAULT!!!

Emmett: Nu-uh!!!

Bella: Yes-huh!!! It is he said you wouldn't be home for a while!!!!

Edward: So it's all three your faults…

Alice: Wait how is it mine!?

Edward: I know you saw this… You kept blocking your thoughts! -Closes eyes and pinches nose or whatever he does! -

Bella: -still on Emmett's back grabs Alice's arm, and well bless her heart she's trying very hard to be sneaky but…- HEIGH HO SILVER!!!

And like a bat out hell Emmett takes off with Bella on his back, and Alice flying behind them.

Edward: -sigh- Not this again….

Ranma-Chan93: Well I lied only one part was from 'Miracle on 34th Street' and it wasn't really a huge part haha, but if anyone can tell which part it was, you my dir sir or madam get a COOKIE!!! Well there was a couple of parts from the 'black Friday part 2' that I really liked so I'll just let yall read them:

-Bella, Alice, and Edward at Macy's store in a random part where it is completely chaotic, if anyone has ever been shopping during Black Friday you totally get what I mean… Anyway they're about to get in the check out line.

Bella: Alice! We forgot one of the most important parts of the trip!

Alice: The clothes are right here silly!

Bella: No the Broadway music!!

Alice: HOW COULD WE!? FO' SHAME!!

Bella: I KNOW!! Edward, get in line and we'll go get the music of –pauses for dramatic effect- LIFE!!!!

Edward: Why don't you and I go get them, and Alice gets in line? That way I can make sure your not hurt..

Bella: Sweetie –thinking she's going to hurt his feelings or something haha- This is a girl thing..

Edward: -sigh- Fine, Alice I swear if she comes back bruised…

Bella: Oh that inevitable, even if you were with me!!

Edward: I wouldn't sound so cheerful, but you're probably right.

So Alice and Bella get to the music part of the store where everything is virtually destroyed.

Bella: How, how could they? It's all so horrible and junk…

Alice: I know…

-And at this point there's still people fighting for music. -

Alice: This IS a dangerous situation.

Bella: LET'S DO IT!!! -Starts running for the musical section- FOR BROADWAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well there are a bunch of drama geeks like our brave umm 'heroes' here, fighting over the music and somehow Bella and even Alice are under the rack of CD's… Which they have only made it under there with one CD, the epicness of 'Bye, Bye Birdie…' Which is the only copy left..

Bella: What do we do!?

Alice: I don't know!! I can't get out there without using my suppah awesome vamp skillz!! … I think we know what we must do…

Bella: But we can't!

Alice: Don't be afraid.

Bella: I'm not; it's the wizard who should be afraid- of me!

Alice: Yes Wicked kicks ass, but it's hardly the time.

Bell: Your right, -kisses the CD and hands it to Alice-.

Alice: HEY!! –Throws CD in a random abandoned corner where the mob attacks it- **-sniff- Bye, Bye Birdie… **

Bella- -sniffs- I'm gonna miss you so…

But they quickly got over they're sadness when they saw the original cast of Phantom of the opera, Cats, Annie, God Spell, Wicked, and many more.

Ranma-Chan93: Ok that it guys:D can you believe this was going to be much, much longer :o, it was but anyway it seems rough becaaaaaaaaaause it was only a rough draft :D But anyway this was actually based on a true story, me and my friend Amber went to Wal*Mart last year to try to find some good Christmas sales, and we were between the movies and the clothes, trying to find some good movies. And somehow these crazy women were just like surrounded us and somehow we ended up under the clothes rack, insanity I tell you!! R&R all ways appreciated and I've hoped you all enjoyed ^_^

OH! I DO NOT OWN: Twilight, Miracle on 34th Street, Cocoa Puffs –I do think I spelled it wrong up there very sorry if I did :o lol- Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer, Macy's, a magic scepter, Black Friday, Bye, Bye Birdie, Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Annie, God Spell, or Wal*Mart… I think that's it..


	29. shenanigans at the zoo

Ranma-Chan93: Hello again everyone!! This is a wonderful idea submitted by , who suggested the Cullens and Bella take a trip to the zoo : ), I know it's not completely the same but I really hope you like it ^_^ oh and I own nothing!

BellaBellaDancerFallDowna- has logged on

Buzz_Kill- has logged on

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VeryEmotional- Has logged on unnoticed

Edward: Bella what in God's name are you doing?

Bella: Good job Buzz Kill, God does have a name.

Edward: …Please just answer my question? I've already begged you out loud.

Emmett: Ha ha you BEGGED the human!? WHIPPED!!

Bella: Fiiiiine!! It's Zoo World.

Edward: What?

Alice: OMG I KNOW WHAT WERE GONNA DO TODAY!!!

Jasper: Please no…

Bella: ALICE YOU'RE HERE!!!!

Edward: You're face lit up like you were having Alice withdrawals….

Jasper: Don't worry Alice too….

Alice: Well Buzz Kill it's not like your letting us see each other!!!

Edward: Well after digging you two out of the pile of CD's…. God she's still all bruised and broken from your stupid Black Friday trip. AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE LISTEND TO 'Tell them how I'm Defying Gravity! So if you care to find me look to the western Sky,' it gets old…

Alice: 52 times… Well to bad this is going to happen anyway cauuuuse I all ready sensed it cause I'm batman!

Bella: Black Friday was completely and absolutely worth it Buzzy!

Edward: No it was not…

Alice: WAIT!!! Bella!?

Bella: Yes!?

Alice: Do I mean Spiderman?

Bella: Bahahahaha you do!!! Na na na na na Spiderman!!!!

Jasper: Really Edward?

Edward: What?

Jasper: Separate them!!

Edward: I've been trying! You try or something I can't.

(Off IM Bella and Alice were talking on the phone)

Bella: OMG ALICE YOU'RE A MOTHER EFFING GENIOUS!!!

Edward: Damn it!

Bella: COME ON BUZZY WERE GOING TO THE ZOO!!!!

(2 hours, a pissed off Edward and Jasper, and a excited Bella and Alice later)

Bella, Emmett, & Alice: GOING TO THE ZOO!!!!!!

Jasper: I- I don't think I can take this… -sees some Lions and Tigers and Bears oh shit!- There just everywhere.

Edward: I know but… It'll make them so happy..

Jasper: This doesn't even –mouth is water- well venoming at the animals-

Alice: Noooooooooooooo Jazz!!!!!!!!!!!!! –Jumps on his back- THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD AT ALL!!!!!!

Edward: Oh really? What did you think would happen?

Alice: Everything would be awesome and Bella would- never mind…

Edward: Do what dear sister? … QUIT BLOCKING YOUR THOUGHTS DAMNIT!!

Children look at him scared and run off….

Alice: THIS WILL STILL HAPPEN AND IT WILL BE EPIC!! -Runs of dragging Jasper-

Edward: Well love were do you want to go?

Bella: TO THE petting zoo.

Edward: …? Ummm, Aye, aye Captain?

Bella: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Edward: No…

Bella: Drats…

-Meanwhile with Alice and Jasper-

Alice: Ok Jasper you're just going to have to learn to control this, cause you are not ruining this for me!

Jasper: It's a zoo honey!

Alice: Not this but were gonna have to be supa vampire ninja pirates or something and watch Bella and Edward cause something great is gonna happen!

Jasper: And what is that?

Alice: I can't tell or even think it just in case but it'll be wonderful, now let's go to the petting zoo!

-With Bella and Edward-

Bella: It's a cooooow!!!

Edward: Yes, yes it is.

Bella: I know something that would be so amazing.

Edward: And what would that be?

Bella: I just can't tell you.

Edward: Ok…

-5 minutes later-

Edward: Please tell me what your thinking?

Bella: Can't…

Alice: HERE WE ARE!!!!

Jasper: But I thought-

Alice: Shut up I know a better Harry Potter, this will be a hairy situation!!

Edward: Alice, Bella…

Both: Yeah?

Edward: If one of you two don't tell me what the hell you two are plotting we will leave…

Bella and Alice looks at each other and Alice mouths 'Now', they jump over the petting zoo fence and jump on the back of how yelling " High Ho Silver!!" All the while people just stared and Edward wondered at this moment; if he were human if he would be furious or just break down and cry. Well the guards eventually came and escorted the four of them out, they even took pictures to put on flyers, to remind the people at the front gate to never let these people in again. Edward just stared at the camera and the cop (yes they called the cops) wondered if he needed to be admitted to an asylum, Jasper decided to just be content sense he knew something insane was going to happen anyway, and Bella and Alice gave cheesy smiles and a big thumbs up. As they left police station later that evening Edward turned to Jasper with murder in his eyes;

Edward: You knew about this didn't you?

Jasper: -smirking- Well not exactly-

Edward: Bastard…

So they all return to the Cullens were they were all sitting around the living room, when the 6 o'clock news came on…

News Reporter: Today a riot at the Port Angeles Zoo took place when two teenage girls got into the petting zoo and begin… Riding the cows.

Carlisle: Please tell me you two didn't….

Alice: WE SURE DID!!

News Reporter: They were released later that day, but speculation around the sanity of these girls and one of their accomplices is under speculation. While though it appears there was a fourth accomplice, there is speculation is that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

A picture of Bella and Alice and Edward appear on the screen-

Everyone laughs at Edwards murderous picture while Edward just turns to jasper and repeats,

Edward: Bastard..


	30. Boy Unicorns & Midget Mermaids

Ranma-Chan93: I am back! And still own nothing… : ( aw man…

Bella: Oh my God Buzzkill!

Edward: Oh my Gawd like what!?

Bella: Ha you sound like Emmett!

Edward: Heh… What is it love?

Bella: Did you know thaaaaaaat…!

Edward: Yes?

Bella: That rhinasaurses are boy unicorns!?

Edward: Um, I think I'm going to have to disagree with you.

Bella: NO! It's flippen true!

Edward: That doesn't even make sense!

Bella: Ya it does! Bring it back matagino-

Edward: What?

Bella: Nevermind.. .. Hey, wanna know something!?

Edward: -sigh- What?

Bella: Manatees are MIDGET mermaids!

Edward: -smacks- head-

Bella: But... I'm your friend too Mr. Todd!

Edward: I'm gonna guess you want to watch Sweeny Todd?

Bella: Heck Yeah!

Edward: Nope…

Bella: But-

Edward: And this conversation is over.

Bella: But Edward it's a great-

Edward: Over….

Ranma-Chan93: This was a for real conversation, no lie. Minus some of my added randomness cause that's how I roll home skillets. Reviews are much loved : )


	31. Bella is getting a new pet

Ranma-Chan93: Someone give me the rights to the damn book already… : (

Bella: I-IIIII –high note- am gettiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing a goat!

Alice: Ha! You think Edwards actually gonna let you get something that can hurt you?

Bella: It'll be a female goat- Oh my God no!

Alice: Ha-ha what's wrong with your face?

Bella: A nanny Goat! COME ON!! –Runs to Charlie's room and start banging on the door-

Charlie: zzzzzz –snoring-

Alice: -laughing- Shhhh he's asleep!

Bella: Oh… -slams door open- HEY DAD I'M GETTING A NANNY GOAT, OK BYE!

Charlie: What the fu-

Alice: I'm sorry, um, Emmett gave her a red bull! –Quickly closes Charlie's door.-.

Bella: Do not, insult the awesomeness of Emmett!

Alice: But what about me?

Bella: Are you getting me a nanny goat?

Alice: I'll help and I won't even tell Buzzkill?

Bella: You're freaking amazing! Let's roll!

Ranma-Chan93: Ohhh goodness, another pet haha, this'll be great! Hell I already know cauuuuuuuuuuuuuuse –high note- I've already wrote it!


	32. Alice learns a few road rules from Bella

Bella: Were on our way, were on our way to gra- Freaking A I don't remember the rest of the song.

Alice: Me either!

Bella: How sad… We suck –stops and parks in the middle of the highway- Let us mourn!

-5 minutes of honking later-

Bella: Ok let's roooooll! –Turns off the freeway- NO BLINKER!

Alice: Eddie boy would kill you!

Bella: So…? –Honks horn at a car-

Alice: Who was that?

Bella: I don't even know!

Alice: You can do that….?

Bella: Alice, you can do anything as long as Edward, Jasper, the police, Carlisle, my dad- never mind he is the police, Esme, News Channel 7, the army, the president, Congress, and or Canada don't find out!

Alice: I never even thought of it like that…

Bella: -texting while driving- Yupp! Now we're going to drive down the middle of the road! Wheeeeeeeee!!!

Alice: Ooh hit the little yellow things!

Bella: Kay! –Honks horn-

-One hour later-

Bella: Alice! We made it to a farm!


	33. The Arrival of Nanny Goat

Bella: Look at them all!

Alice: …Bella, Edward keeps calling.

Bella: So answer it!

Alice: And what do you expect me to say?

Bella: That I'm making Nanny Goat noises!

Alice: Your really on it Bella!

Bella: They don't call me Buzz Lightyear for nothing!

Alice: Does that make me Woody?

Bella: Yes, and Emmett is Rex, Eddy is –snort- Mr. Potato Head, and Jazz is Bo Peep.

Alice: Kinky!

Bella: Really!?

Alice: No! But you forgot Slinky –sad-.

Bella: Oh my God how could I!? Let's see Slinky is kinda whipped and sarcastic…

Alice: Rosalie!

Bella: Right!!

Alice: Okay let's go!

-And so they proceed to find a farmer –

Bella: Hello good sir?

Farmer: Well Howdy madam, what brings two fine young ladies on a cloudy day like this?

Bella: Well I would like to purchase one of your fine female goats with the sticker on them.

Alice: That's the price sticker.

Farmer: Are you going to eat it?

Bella: -shocked- You eat Nanny Goats!?

Alice & Farmer: Yupp!

Bella: No! I'm gonna train it and develop a strong emotional bond with it!

Alice: Like a Pokemon!

Bella: Right!

Farmer: Odd…

Bella: Look, I know I am but-

Farmer: 75 dollars.

Farmer: of course… -muttering- I wouldn't be surprised if she dyed it pink….

Bella: Brilliant!

Alice: -sigh- I already foresaw it…

Famer: 'cuse me?

Alice: Nothing! –Looks nervous- I said nothing bitch come on Bella.

Bella: Ait! Come on Nanny Goat!

Farmer: Don't come back now ya hear? Damn Peta...

Ranma-Chan93: Ooooh Bella got her Nanny Goat! Will it die early like her other pets or will adventures await them! Oh by the way I don't own Twilight, Toy Story, Peta, a bitch, or a Nanny Goat.


	34. Death of a good friend

Ranma-Chan93: On the last chapter of Yahoo IM with the Cullen! Bella and Alice got her Nanny Goat from a smart ass farmer and now they've brought her back home will Edward except this new change? Or will he find a new way to 'dispose' of Bella's new friend Nanny Goat? Find out on this chapter of Yahoo IM with the Cullen! In which I OWN NOTHING!! Bum-bum –bum! Yeah… I just got done sitting through Days of Our Lives and I have no idea what the hell was going on… So please, just enjoy and stuff…

Bella: -hugging Nanny Goat- I love you Nanny Goat, I love you a lot.

Edward: Hello Bella love of my life I'm back from- what the HELL is that!? –pulls Bella away-

Bella: Hello dear, this is NAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNY GOAT!!!!! And I love him so don't eat him like you ate Sparky P.

Edward: I didn't- I- whatever… I knew Alice was hiding something.

Bella: -still in Edward arm- Alice hid Nanny Goat, I'm so proud of her!

Edward: I don't want you around that thing by yourself; we're taking it to a petting zoo- OH wait you and Alice were banned from that to!

Bella: Hah that was great fun.

Edward: No, no it wasn't… I got to figure out something to do with this thing… Maybe donate it to a farm, sell it, where did you get it from anyway?

Bella: I bought it for 75 dollars from some random farm!

Edward: That's just lovely…. And I suppose you dyed it pink yourself?

Bella: I did! But seriously you let me stay around Jacob and he's a giant wolf type and Nanny Goat is just a goat type!

Edward: I don't think Jacob or Nanny Goat is Pokémon. BUT you do make a point.

Bella: I DO!? This is such- such a shock…

Edward: I guess you can keep… Nanny Goat…

Bella: Yay!!

But during that conversation Nanny Goat walked into the middle of the road as a random pickup truck drove and well yeah the end of Nanny Goat.

Bella: I can't believe it I'm never –Goat gets hit-….

Edward: Awe Bella I'm sorry and I'll-

Bella: You're such a liar.

Edward: Okay maybe not, but I'm really sorry you're sad.

Alice: -runs up- Oh craps I'm too late…. Okay Bella I must do something epic to get you're mind off of this tragedy!

Bella: -still sad- Okay...

Alice: Edward will you please go get some construction paper, glue, color pencils, and string?

Edward: I'd like to be with Bella I mean I just got back!

Alice: DO YOU WANT TO MAKE BELLA HAPPY OR NOT!? Read my mind ho, read my flipping mind! Oh and could you take the porche it needs gas. –Throws keys at him-

Edward: Oh, OH! Okay if it'll make her happy… -leaves-

Alice: -when he is far enough away were he can't read her mind- Oh God I can't believe he bought that! Ok so here's what were really gonna do! –Whispers-

Bella: Oh… My… God… Epic!!! Let's go!!!


	35. The Dastardly Plan

Bella: strange things are happening to me, ain't no doubt about it!

Alice: Which ones?

Bella: Huh?

Alice: There's a bunch of strange things like vampires, werewolves, that weird thing going on with your hair which one?

Bella: The most recent one.

Alice: Oh you mean the position were in now?

Bella: Yeah, don't get me wrong it's ingenious to get ourselves locked in Newton's store overnight to hide from Edward. Just because we painted his Volvo pink with yellow polka dots and 'accidentally' locked his keys inside.

Alice: Yeah oh shiz! He's on a rampage looking for us! Ha-ha what a maroon for leaving us alone with his precious Volvo.

Bella: Word Hommie!


	36. Edward would NOT aprove

RanmaChan93: I own nothing simply nothing. I do want to meet the guy name Chuy who is very very hairy!

Edward: -walks in Bella's house- Erm love why does it smell like dog and blood in here?

Bella: Oh crap we'll have to explain things get'um Emmett!

Emmett: Right! –hits Edward in the back of the head with a club-.

Edward: WHAT THE HELL!

Bella: Aw damn it…. –sniff-

-enter flash back-

Bella is sitting on a random curb looking all sad and stuff and that's when Emmett shows up…

Emmett: Awe what's wrong little Bella?

Bella: Well I got a secret infliction.

Emmett: DISGUSTING!

Bell: Ha! Potter Puppet Pals! But seriously you haven't even heard what it is yet… It's a cold!

Emmett: GET OUT!

Bella: I know! And guess who is the biggest worry-wart in this whole wide world!

Emmett: Ummm –is thinking really heard…-

Bella: Come on Emmett you can get this..

Emmett: It's so hard can you give me a hint!!

Bella: -sigh- Sure! I'm going to marry him….

Emmett: Mike?

Bella: HELL NAW! Okay… Okay… Let's see he's mythical creature.

Emmett: Jacob Black?

Bella: No though you're getting closer, in a mystical kind of way..

Emmett: YAY! My next would have been a unicorn! Is that right!?

Bella: No… Ok maybe this one… He ruins all of ours and Alice fun and is a MAJOR Buzzkill…? Think real hard Emmett.

Emmett: EDWARD!!!!

Bella: YESS!!! I'm so proud of you! –hugs- Good job!

Emmett: Thanks Bella you're so much more encouraging than anyone else in our family.

Bella: I know Emmett, I know…

Emmett: Okay now back to your cold issue..

Bella: Well… Edwierdo is such a major buzz kill.

Emmett: Of course, of course.

Bella: So with this cold he'll take it way out of proportions.. And I'll be confined in my bed for God knows how long for the ridiculous reason of a stupid cold : ( and I'll miss shenanigans with you and Alice!

Emmett: The horrors!

Bella: Yeah I know! So, we have to keep Edward and everyone who possess the knowledge to think away from my stupid sick face!

Emmett: Aye Aye Captain!

-5 minutes later-

Jacob: Hey Bells, hey leech!

Bella: -gasp- His mind is normal quick hit! –cough-

Emmett: With what!? MY FIST HUUUUUUUUUUUUUULK-

Bella: NO you'll kill him! –cough- He needs to be in future chartroom chapters for comedy purposes!

Jacob: Comedy, IM, HIT! What the hell are you going on about??

Bella: -throws a baseball at Jacob- YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!

Jacob: -bounces off of him- That didn't- I'm just so confused!

Bella: GOOD EMMETT HIT! –sneeze-

Emmett then proceeds to throw the baseball and then knock Jacob out.

Bella: Excellent! Direct Hit!

Emmett: -big stupid grin- It's like a video game!!!

-The same thing happens with Embry, Paul, and Seth. Why they were all came to Bella's house I'm not sure…-

Bella: OK now hide their bodies until they wake up!

Edward: Erm love why does it smell like dog and blood in here?

Bella: Oh crap we'll have to explain things get'um Emmett!

Emmett: Right! –hits Edward in the back of the head with a club-.

Edward: WHAT THE HELL!

Bella: Aw damn it…. –sniff-

Edward: Why do the dogs all have baseball sized dents in their heads.

Bella: Well –cough- you see….

Edward: -growls- Is Bella sick…?

Bella: Well –sniff- about that-

Emmett: -Grabs Bella- RUN BELLA RUN LIKE THE LITTLE BASTARD YOU ARE!!!

Ranma-Chan93: I simply love Shin-Chan and the Potter Puppet Pals that is all : )


	37. Butterfinger Defense League!

Ranma-Chan93: I really hope this makes sense, 'cause my word is some kinda messed up lol it's been going crazy, but then again then again the plot not making sense could be my own sense of misguided stupidity… I (obviously) own nothing, so just, just try to enjoy… By the way I have finally found out what "Breaking the forth wall" truly means there is a example in this chapter. Brownie points to anyone who can point it out and the two Hangover references that are sorta obvious! Enjoy :)

Edward: -currently pacing back in forth in the Cullen household- Where could she be? I swear I'll kill Alice..

Carlisle: Calm down Edward I'm sure she's fine, she's with Alice after all. Are you absolutely sure she didn't say anything about going anywhere?

Edward: No she didn't! I went to her house to pick her up yesterday and she was just gone… Charlie gave me this.

Carlisle: -reading it-

Bella & Alice's awesome note

By: Bella Swan and Alice Cullen

Dear Buzzkill,

We went somewhere,

Love Bella & Alice

P.S. Don't even try to find us.

Esme: Oh dear this does not look good.

Jasper: Oh don't worry.

Edward: What the hell do you mean DON'T WORRY!

Jasper: Well number one Charlie didn't seem to concern, and number two eventually they will call from the police station they are being held at.

Emmett: I just don't understand why I couldn't go with them… -is very sad-

Esme: Emmett dear do you know where Bella and Alice went?

Emmett: No…

Esme: Emmett…

Emmett: I swear!

Edward: Emmett I will rip your –beeping- throat out..!

Emmett: I REALLY REALLY DON'T GEEZE!

Jasper: We really need to all calm down before I start acting like I'm PMSing..

At that moment everyone just turns and stares at Jasper.

Rosalie: -coming into the house- Do my ears deceive me! Are they really gone!

Everyone: ROSE!

Rosalie: No you seriously have no clue they've been bitchen about me joining this- (at this moment police sirens ring the air.)

Edward: Ahhh hell…

Alice: THANKS OFFICERS IT WAS AWFULLY NICE OF YOU GUYS TO LET US DRIVE!

BELLA: AND LET US PLAYED WITH STUFF!

Edward: THERE YOU ARE!

Police Officer1: For the love of God take them, they wouldn't shut-up the entire time!

Police Officer2: We had to actually let them drive and play with the speakers to get them to shut up! If our chief found out that the songs 'Milk Shake', 'Burn Baby Burn', and 'Without Me'. In that order! Was blaring through Port Angelus we'd be fired!

Jasper: Alice honey what happened to the Porsche?

Alice: Well it's a bit of a long story.. And these nice gentlemen offered us a Monopoly "Get out of jail free" card in exchange for the porsche.

Rosalie: -talking to the cops- Your should have just kept them.

Police Officers: Ah hell naw! –drives off-

Jasper: See I told you they'd be back…

Edward: -pinches nose- Hush your mouths, you two get to talking…

Bella: -rolling eyes- Well Buzzkill it's honestly not as bad as you make it seem.

Edward: You two are wearing police uniforms, got the porsche taken away, and were brought back in a police car.

Alice: Excuse me but we DROVE the police car.

Bella: 'Cause were like a part of the defense league!

Carlisle: You know what? I just don't think I can wrap my head out around anymore shenanigans, I will take my leave and go hunting for a while, anyone who wants to can come along.

Esme: I'm in.

Rose: Me too.

Emmett: -comes running out sniffling- I just –sniff- can't believe-sniff- that you two didn't include me. –sniff- We are soooooo not friends anymore! -runs off-

Bella: Aww poor Emmett, he's such a tidy baby.

Jasper: Yeah… So back to the story.

Alice: Ya know this is best told through a flash back ladies and gentlemen:

Bella and Alice's awesome flashback:

Directed by: Bella Swan and Alice Cullen

Produced by: A Alice and Bella awesome production!

Narrator: -in my mind it's like a idiot or Emmett, 'cause he really still wanted to be involved- On the fine morning of, um, Saturday, June 19th 2010, our heroes; Alice Cullen and Bella Swan decided it was time for them to do something epic.

Bella: Alice… I think it's time we joined the Butterfinger Defense League in order to protect the Butterfinger from rape and further abuse!

Alice: Your absolutely right… This is gone on long enough….

Narrator: So the two friends pulled the website online in order to complete their destiny, or the "application"…

Alice: This took less time than I expected! I mean do they just let anybody into this League! I mean this isn't simply the "Justice League" or the _NBA_ League! This is the "Butterfinger League"!

Bella: Yeah pedos and gangsters could enter this! We must do our part to stop this!

Alice: …I knew I was a genius… Buzzkill won't be here for a while right?

Bella: No I told him to get me something to eat…

Alice: How could that possibly take him that-

Bella: And some tampons.

Alice Oh… Good job.

Bella: Yeah I just wanted him gone for a while, just in case something epic like this happened.

Narrator: And so we cut to Edward who is currently at Wal-Mart, where everything is low prices for the Cullen family 'cause were the awesome, I mean, shit, their awesome. The Cullen's are awesome.

Edward: -freaking out- Light, heavy, medium, large, small, extra-large! Oh MY GOD WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!

Narrator: And now we go back to the real heroes that don't let Emmett help!

Bella: These police uniforms kick so much butt! Alice you are seriously the epic!

Alice: Oh I know… You don't need to boost my ego!

Bella: Yeah probably not! Ok on the Port Angelus!

Narrator: They then hop into Alice's Porsche like the Duke's of Hazard, well Alice does But Bella sorta just hits her head and she 'tneedtoknowthat. And they drive on where they raid local gas stations in hopes of stopping any Butterfinger misdoings!

Bella: Halt you! In the name of love (for Butterfingers) we arrest you for the mistreatment of this Butterfinger!

Person: (let's call him Ben… No Carlos…) Um- Excuse me…?

Alice: You heard her! We saw how you bit into that Butterfinger! –snatches it from him-

Carlos: It's- it's food!

Alice: Yeah but were the Butterfinger Defense League! We defend our brethren Butterfinger and hate the logo "You can't lay a finger on my Butterfinger!"

Bella: Yeah it offends the rights! Butterfingers don't belongs to no one! It is NOT your personal sex object!

Narrator: And the night continued on like this until someone finally called the cops and the two defenders of Butterfinger justice were forced to retreat unto the 'Man' where they worked out a compromise to give up their 'Butterfinger Mobile' in exchange for a Monopoly "Get out of Jail free" card. And that is the end of our heroes tale…

Edward: Um I just don't even know how to respond to this at all…

Bella: Ya know Carlos kinda reminded me from that baby from the Hangover.

Alice: Oh MY GOD YOUR RIGHT!

-Jasper has already left by the way, where he was replaced by Emmett who became the narrator and just doesn't feel so useless anymore-

Edward: Are you telling me you can remember the kids name from that horrendous movie, but you can't remember our anniversary?

Bella: You just do not get how awesome that movie is… Oh I have a amazing idea!

Alice: Five minutes let's go!

Edward: Whoa, whoa you're not going anywhere!

Alice: Just to your room!

Edward: -sigh- Fine!

Alice & Bella: YAY!

Emmett looking lonely again and is kicking the dirt…

Bella: Come on Emmett!

Emmett's face lit up like a kid in a candy store as he ran up to catch up with his 'best friends'.

Narrator: (Well still Emmett) And so five minutes passed and we see the remainder of the Cullen family run up and our heroes, now including the awesome Emmett but not Edward, stuck their heads out the window.

Bella, Alice, and Emmett: -looking down at Carlisle- PAGING DOCTOR FAGGOT, DOCTOR FAGGOT!

Edward: Why the hell me?


	38. Ya know those blue people!

Ranma-Chan93: I love Avatar, not that I own it or anything! Twilight too, I don't own that either!

Bella and Edward are sitting in the Cullen's house.

Bella: I wanna watch Avatar, again.

Edward: What that new movie with the guy that looks like Jasper?

Bella: No, not that one! The one with the blue people!

Edward: Oh that movie is so over-

Bella: Edward I swear if you finish that sentence I will kick you're a-

Edward: Overated…

Bella: …

Edward: -teasing her- Whatcha gonna do?

Bella: …

Edward: Come on Bella, kick my ass.

Bella: YOUR MOMS OVERATED! –leaves and slams door-

Edward: …

Esme: -walks in- Did _I_ just get called overated?


	39. Bitchy Bella

Bella: -reading the actual book Twilight-Ya know the Bella Swan in this book is kinda a bitchy Mary-Sue…

Edward: Oh come on anyone named Bella Swan can't be that bad.

Bella: Oh yes she can I mean for the love of Rayjay does she really have to complain about everything, the boots, the school, etc. etc. But when she sees that stupid old red Ford truck she is immediately like, "OH it's perfect and it's free!" I mean nobody even complains about rain boots then says oh thank you daddy a 1960's red Ford!

Edward: Bella… YOU had a red Ford.

Bella: Um excuse me mine was red with yellow polka-dots I had mine tripped out. So you do NOT diss my truck.

Edward: You don't even have it anymore!

Bella: Thanks Edward remind me of my dead truck! Now I'm gonna go complain as much as bitchy Bella Swan goodbye! –leaves-

Edward: What the hell just happened…?

Stephanie Meyer's original Bella is a bitch in the first book! I just noticed this as I'm going back and re-reading it. So here is the standing:

Stephanie Meyer's Bella=Bitch

My version & several other IM/note passing/just funy version of Bella= idiotic

You tell me who wins!


	40. This is all your worth Edward

So here's the scenario ladies and gentleman it is the middle of the night and Bella wakes up half asleep.

Bella: -pats Edward on the arm- This is all your worth.

Edward: Nice to know your true feelings..

Bella: Yeah your welcome, hey do you wanna hear a story?

Edward: Yeah sure..

Bella: Whelp there was a orange and a bug and the orange was all into the bug- Are you even listening?

Edward: Of course hunny.

Bella: Good, well any way the bug was all "Oh hell no motha!" so he kicked the orange into the ocean, and It drowned the end.

Edward: -trying not to laugh- G-go back to sleep.

Bella: Kay –snores-

Jasper: -appears out of nowhere- Yupp you picked a keeper…

A/N: Well I'm finally back, and yupp I've changed my username so no this is legit as it possibly can be : ). Well anyway this is actually based on a actual conversation (except for Jasper popping in unfortunately or fortunately cause I wouldn't consider my friend a 'keeper' sense she's a girl but I digress) So anyway she wakes up in the middle of the night pats me on the shoulder and goes "This is all your worth" except I replied "Yeah and your worth one of my fingers can you guess which one?" And she goes "Your pinky!" and I said "No the one in the middle", "Oh your ring finger.." And she told me a story similar to this and there was some other things. The next morning she remembers telling the bug and orange story but nothing about patting me on the shoulders. I was highly amused and slightly offended but ones again I digress hope you've guess enjoyed!


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